So next week my husband scheduled a colonoscopy and while on a conference call told his coworkers that he "got a colonoscopy for Christmas" which struck a chord with both of us.
So yesterday (in between working) he and I came up with alternative lyrics to the 1960's song "I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas".
We were quite literally in stiches all day as we worked out the lyrics. I laughed so hard my eyes were swollen from crying/laughing. I even shared it with my doctor who first diagnosed me with breast cancer and she was giggling uncontrollably yesterday and happy to see that I have still retained my sense of humor through all of the bad news.
People have been asking me to post what we came up with so here it is below. I have also posted the original song from YouTube so you can hear how it should go.
Here are the alternative lyrics (please make sure you aren't drinking anything and don't have a full bladder.
I got a colonoscopy for Christmas
Another colonoscopy for me
I wanted a guitar or nifty sound effect but all I got for Christmas was a scope up to my neck
I got a colonoscopy for Christmas
It wasn’t what I had in mind, would you?
I had to take that nasty stuff to cleanse then spent the night wondering if it would ever end
I can see me now on Tuesday morning, laying on the slab
Oh what dread and what surprise
When I open up my eyes To see my colo-rectal standing there
I got a colonoscopy for Christmas
Another colonoscopy for me
No fancy brunch or night out with my friends
Just a night between the isles looking for Depends
…and my gastroenterologist likes me too!
I got a colonoscopy for Christmas
Another colonoscopy for me
Doc says it's clear but what else would I hear?
He could be mistaking me for someone else’s rear?
I can see me now on Christmas morning, trying not to laugh
Oh what joy and a surprise, when I open up my eyes when I see no doctor sitting there
I had a colonoscopy for Christmas
They say no more procedures for five years
No more bad meds and no more facing shame
No more Christmas songs whose lyrics are so lame
...and no more colonoscopies for me!