It's the suspense that gets you!

I got my bone scan June 1st and today was my CT scan. Drinking the contrast wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I was expecting industrial sludge, but it was really more like water.

These tests are to create a baseline for comparison as I move forward with drug therapies. I'll know on June 8th which drug it will be, the new one or the traditional hormone blocker.

I hope it is the new one! I've been reading all the side effects that women are suffering with on the traditional drugs and they are horrible. One woman gained 70lbs, can hardly move because of joint pain, insomnia, hot flashes, etc., etc.

If I'm not given the new drug and I get these horrific side effects, I'm not sure it's worth it to spend the next 5-7 years of my life in abject misery. I'd just as soon take my chances.

It's ultimately up to God on how many days I spend on this earth and I'd rather not be miserable for the majority of them.

Psalm 39:

I said, “I will keep watch over my ways

So that I do not sin with my tongue;

I will keep watch over my mouth as with a muzzle

While the wicked are in my presence.”

I was mute and silent,

I refused to say even something good,

And my pain was stirred up.

My heart was hot within me,

While I was musing the fire burned;

Then I spoke with my tongue:

“LORD, let me know my end,

And what is the extent of my days;

Let me know how transient I am.

“Behold, You have made my days like hand widths,

And my lifetime as nothing in Your sight;

Certainly all mankind standing is a mere breath. Selah

“Certainly every person walks around as a fleeting shadow;

They certainly make an uproar for nothing;

He amasses riches and does not know who will gather them.

“And now, Lord, for what do I wait?

My hope is in You.

“Save me from all my wrongdoings;

Do not make me an object of reproach for the foolish.

“I have become mute, I do not open my mouth,

Because it is You who have done it.

“Remove Your plague from me;

Because of the opposition of Your hand I am perishing.

“With rebukes You punish a person for wrongdoing;

You consume like a moth what is precious to him;

Certainly all mankind is mere breath! Selah

“Hear my prayer, LORD, and listen to my cry for help;

Do not be silent to my tears;

For I am a stranger with You,

One who lives abroad, like all my fathers.

“Turn Your eyes away from me, that I may become cheerful again

Before I depart and am no more.”