Despite the fact that I feel like a lab rat with all the baseline tests they've been running on me, I'm actually doing pretty good.
This year I've had 2 mammograms, 3 ultrasounds, 2 MRI's, 1 CT scan, 1 Bone Scan, 2 EKG's, 3 sets of bloodwork and a partridge in a pear tree. A banner year! I haven't looked at our healthcare statements but I'm pretty sure with all that plus 2 lumpectomies, my medical bills have reach stratospheric levels. At least the rest of it will be covered by the clinical trial people.
I have a book signing for the first time in 10 years this Saturday and I'm a little nervous. I'm not as young (or as blissfully ignorant) as I was the first time around and I get tired much quicker. Since being taken off hormones last October I've packed on weight and had to get a new medieval outfit to wear. It really helps wearing a costume to make me bolder in approaching complete strangers to talk about my book, The Victor. I'm just worried about running out of gas; and I promised Barnes & Noble that I would stay there until all 20 copies were sold or I would buy them back. Even if all sell, I won't be making any kind of profit when you compare the expenses that I've incurred to get republish the book, marketing materials, costume and new website published. I'm not in it for the $, I just want people to read my books!
But, I digress. Things timed out perfectly so that if I have any bad reaction to whatever drug they put me on next week, it will happen after the book signing. If I start feeling horrible and have terrible side effects (see prior posts) then I can still opt out of the entire clinical study and refuse the drugs.
I really don't want to spend the next 7-10 years miserable. I've read testimonials of women who have done everything (double mastectomy, chemotherapy, radiation, hormone blockers) and the cancer still came back. There are no guarantees in this life except one: that when it is my time, I will go to heaven and be with my beloved Redeemer, Jesus!
My Redeemer (musical arrangement by Bob Bennett)
I know that my Redeemer lives
What comfort this sweet sentence gives
He lives, he lives Who once was dead
He lives, my ever living Head
He lives triumphant from the grave
He lives eternally to save
He lives, my mansion to prepare
He lives to lead me safely there
He lives and grants me daily breath
He lives and I shall conquer death
He lives, and while He lives I'll sing
He lives, my Prophet, Priest and King
He lives, all glory to His Name He lives, my Jesus still the same And oh, the sweet joy this sentence gives I know that my Redeemer lives