I was supposed to have a follow up with the oncologist tomorrow and frankly I was dreading it. I REALLY don't want to do chemo. The list of possible after effects is long and horrific:
1) Infection
2) Bruising and bleeding
3) Hair loss (including eyelashes and eyebrows) - CHECK - already lost all my hair due to alopecia
4) Nausea and vomiting (hmmmm....maybe I can finally lose some weight)
5) Nerve and joint pain (strangely enough, I'm seeing Claritin recommended for this on the boards)
6) Constipation and diarrhea (not a problem - had my internal plumbing rerouted in the late 1980s)
7) Rash (NO THANKS)
8) Mouth Sores (double NO THANKS)]
9) Breathing difficulty (that's a problem)
10) Pain (gimme some DRUGS)
11) Fingernails lifting (that's a new one I have been seeing on Breast cancer support boards and it's freaking me out)
I am seriously tempted to challenge the necessity of getting chemotherapy when I finally have my appointment on the 28th.
Of course, all of my relatives and friends are weighing in: from: DON'T GET CHEMO under any circumstances!!! To: We know someone who had stage 4 cancer, got chemo, did fine and is 15 years out and is cancer free.
I truly appreciate the love and care that has gone into everyone's response to my diagnosis but I honestly wish God would tell me what to do. I'm 62 and it looks like I'm facing several years of misery masked as therapy to eradicate this disease. It isn't a surgery with a 6-8 week recovery period (like I had in 1988) with a long healthy life afterwards.
Even with chemotherapy there's a chance it will come back. What's a girl to do?
Please ask God to show me clearly what His will is. After all, Father does know best!
Thanks!
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